And Now There's You
by Madilayn
Summary: SLASH RL/SB After 20 years, Remus and Sirius finally become lovers.
1. Default Chapter

I've been told to "lay low at Lupin's". I don't want to. What I want is to look after Harry. Unfortunately, being wanted for escaping from Azkaban tends to put a huge stumbling block in front of all my plans.  
  
I never want to look at a rat again for as long as I live.  
  
Lupin is Remus J Lupin - a man for whom I have a great deal of respect. And more. I've been in lust with him since I was fifteen. Or is it love? I always have trouble working that out. The problem is that I'm not attracted to men. Women, to me, are great for sex. Sticking my cock up a wet pussy is my idea of a good afternoon, morning, night, whatever. And I can't imagine making love without tits being involved. And then I think of Remus J. Lupin, and all I want is him. His cock, his lips.  
  
Remus is different. There's something about him that makes me want to protect him - as well as fuck him senseless. Funny, he wasn't even my best friend. That was James - Harry's dad. Remus was different. We all did things for Remus. Somehow he has the ability to inspire people to "do great deeds". We certainly did! And I've been so thankful in the last thirteen years that I am an unregistered Animagus.  
  
Snuffles - my alter ego. Why Snuffles? I have no idea. Probably because Padfoot - my nickname - is far too well known.  
  
Remus. It was certainly a shock to see you last year. Your appearance shocked me probably as much as mine did you. I could see it in your eyes. I could also see the willingness to kill me if I had been the monster I've been portrayed as.  
  
You know all about monsters, Remus. It was obvious to me that the year spent in relative comfort teaching had only scratched the surface of your sad situation.  
  
It's not just the werewolf business that had left you looking so much older than your years. Poverty will do that too. Bloody Remus - too proud to ask for help. Too proud to even take help when offered. Charity my arse, you git. That's what friends are for - to take care of one another!  
  
D'you know, I can remember when I first met you. James and I, and the shy, wild boy you were. Even at eleven you inspired us. You were certainly different from the pair of us. We weren't sure at first that we would ever like you. You were so different. Even then, your nose was always in a book. Good thing - you inspired James and I to learn. Just to keep up with you.  
  
I wish we hadn't been so jealous of your friendship. I often wonder how different things would have been if we had not shattered the friendship you had with Snape? Shattered it so badly that by our seventh year he hated you as much as he hated us.  
  
Did you ever resent that we wanted to keep you completely to ourselves? Or did you - as usual - blame yourself? Probably blamed yourself. That's our Remus. Never think something nasty about anybody else when you can think it about yourself.  
  
Did you know that you were the first genuinely nice person I had ever met? The first person that always tried to do the right thing no matter what the consequences. We ignored totally the lessons you taught us - until a near disaster drove them into our thick, arrogant skulls.  
  
The greatest lesson we learned from you, Remus, was the one about unconditional love. Thank you, my friend. From both James and I.  
  
I've got to get moving soon. I'll visit Remus, but I definitely won't stay. I have somewhere I can go to. And if Dumbledore wants to use it, then I have no objection.  
  
Personally I hate the place, but I'm not going to put Remus to any more hardship. Things for him are worse than ever now - I suspect that the only thing keeping him alive is Snape. Dumbledore said that he continues to take the Wolfsbane potion to him - and more. He said that Snape takes food as well as companionship, saying that it would be tossed out otherwise.  
  
I wonder if you really believe that. You and Snape are the only vegetarians I know, and I can't believe that the school has leftovers of the stuff you like to eat. Are you friends again? I hope so. You need all the friends around you that you can get. Are you more? God - I hope not.  
  
I'm hard with the wanting of you. The imagining you and Snape together - wishing it could be me. Of course, I have no evidence that Snape even thinks of you like that. No evidence that you even think like that.  
  
Apart from one kiss. One wonderful, magnificent soul-destroying kiss.  
  
James and Lily's wedding. You and I got roaring drunk. The only two there without a female partner. Even bloody Peter had a girl with him.  
  
Of course, you were generally too shy to pick up girls successfully, and I always went for quantity rather than quality. Hardly the types you would take to your best friend's wedding.  
  
Especially since I was best man.  
  
And so we got drunk, toasting the health of the bride and groom. It was only after they left for their honeymoon that we started on one of those soul-searching talks that one always indulges in when drunk.  
  
The night sky was glorious - clear and beautiful. There was no moon, which you liked just fine. We were alone, gazing at the sky, and you had headed off on one of your deep philosophical thoughts that always left me floundering.  
  
I didn't care. I just liked hearing your voice.  
  
I remembered leaning over and brushing my lips against yours, the taste of you burning away the alcohol I had consumed. Setting my blood on fire and my heart pounding.  
  
I remember your start of surprise, you pulling away, and I pulled away as well, disappointed and yet somehow pleased at the same time.  
  
I had never kissed another male before, and thought I would probably never do so again.  
  
Then I felt your fingers brush my arm - feather light. If I hadn't been burning from your touch, I would probably never have felt it. But it was there. I looked at you and saw your eyes.  
  
Damn your eyes, Remus. They always have been the most expressive things about you. Your friends always knew to look for the correct answer in your eyes, not your face.  
  
I looked now. They were brimming over with lust, with love. All directed at me. One Sirius Black, who had, until now, confined himself to females. And now all I wanted was you.  
  
I can never remember who reached for who first. All I do remember is we kissed. I remember two thoughts most clearly. The first was that I was kissing Remus Lupin - one of my best friends. The second was that it was the most wonderful kiss I had ever experienced. You tasted even better than on my first clumsy attempt. I remember drawing your tongue into my mouth and sucking hard, remember wishing it was your cock.  
  
That was a shock, I can tell you. But I wanted you. More than anything else in the world, I wanted to make love to you.  
  
I remember hearing moaning, and realizing that it was not just you. It was me. I remember my hands roaming over your body, touching stroking. Slipping inside your shirt - I always keep forgetting just how muscular you are. That wiry frame hides surprising strength.  
  
Your hands were roaming as much as mine were, and to great effect as well.  
  
Who knows what might have happened next - if we had not been interrupted by Peter calling for us.  
  
I wish he hadn't. I wish he had stayed bloody away. I can't help but feel that if he had not interrupted us, my whole life would have been different.  
  
I'll never know why I felt embarrassed at that time. Why I avoided you. Why I refused to run with you again at full moon.  
  
I know I hurt you, and I would have understood if you could not forgive me.  
  
I had no idea what you were involved in at the time. For me - I had not yet grown up and still tended to look at the world as black and white. You saw the shades of grey.  
  
By the time I saw you at Harry's christening, I was engaged to a girl I had met. I pretended to you that our kiss had never happened.  
  
Again, I could see your hurt.  
  
That girl was never the one I loved. She knew it and broke it off several weeks later. She claimed that she could not compete with my friends.  
  
I wonder if she saw the lust in our eyes? It wasn't until I looked at photographs of that day that I realized what it was in our eyes as we looked sideways at each other.  
  
By that time, you were traveling and we all suspected you of being a spy. You were, of course, but not how we thought. When you were back, I avoided you. Avoided speaking to you.  
  
And then it was too late.  
  
Which brings us to now. 


	2. Remus Past

I remember you. Memories of you are all I've had, really. But I can recall the first time I ever saw you. You were so confident, even at 11! So sure that you were some sort of supreme being.  
  
I believed. It wasn't until later I discovered you were human after all, but by that time the habit of believing had become too strong, and I was too weak to stop you from yourself - you being your worst enemy.  
  
Even now, I am appalled at what I let pass. Things I knew were wrong, yet was too weak - to frightened - to change. Frightened that if I tried, I would loose my friends.  
  
When did I fall in love with you? That's easy - the adoration was immediate. Real love though? That was gradual. Certainly it was there by the time we left school. If I look back, though, I am certain the real love started when I discovered the three of you had become Animagi - for me. When I learned you had instigated the whole thing, and when I discovered that you were also canine, that's when I started to truly love you.  
  
You did this wonderful thing to make my life better. And it did. Those years when you ran with me during the full moon have been the happiest in my life.  
  
And the years of loss the saddest.  
  
I've always avoided any relationships - after all apart from being a werewolf, I have absolutely nothing I can offer to anybody - male or female. I have no money, no career and only a tumbledown cottage for a home.  
  
I thought that things were definitely on the up when Dumbledore offered me a job. When he apologized and said he had not realized that I was in such a state.  
  
I nearly chucked it back at his face. I don't want pity. I don't want charity. Then I remembered something that Lily once said. True friends don't offer charity or pity. They give hope freely, they share.  
  
Dumbledore said that I was the person he wanted for the job because I was good at it. Because I had the skills and because I was a natural teacher.  
  
I've been told that before. I remember my first job as a teacher - I remember you, James and Peter laughing that I was actually going to teach. And then you giving me my briefcase. I still have it - battered though it is. It was then I realized that you were all proud of me.  
  
The wolf in me has ruined any job I've ever had, and I told Dumbledore I couldn't accept because of that.  
  
I had no idea of what Snape had developed, though. Had no idea he did that much research, that the man had the perseverance.  
  
No - I did. He was actually my first friend. He knew I was a werewolf, and, like you, still was willing to be my friend.  
  
Again, I was too weak to stand up for something good. I let our friendship be shattered, pretended I didn't care. So did he.  
  
I felt that loss, because although you, James and Peter were closer to me than brothers, I knew that you didn't love learning and books the way I did. Do. I knew you let me rattle on, and ignored what I said largely. But I didn't want to loose your friendship.  
  
And so let go the friend who did think like me.  
  
I had no idea he hated me for being so weak. Saw in me a reflection of his own weakness, and hated it as well.  
  
It wasn't until I went back to Hogwarts and saw Severus Snape again that I realized just how lucky I had been.  
  
I could so easily have been him.  
  
And yet, in the past year, I owe him my life. I can't find work. Bloody Umbridge woman has seen to that. I don't encounter many other werewolves, but I've heard rumours.  
  
If it wasn't for the food Snape brings with the potion, and the hunting I can do as a wolf I would be dead. The companionship also helps. Food for the soul as well as the body.  
  
I owe him for that. The man is enough of a bastard that he completely ignores my protests.  
  
Thank god.  
  
Do I love him? Have we been lovers? Definitely not. I'm not tempted by men, and neither is he. But we can talk - Sirius you would laugh if you heard us. Well no, you wouldn't. You'd probably have that perplexed look on your face that says you're trying to understand, but please change the subject.  
  
I've only ever been tempted by a man once. And since then, I've been able to want nobody else. I recognize it as love.  
  
And it's not that crap about wolves mate for life. I'm human 99% of the bloody time. It's only one night per month I'm a wolf.  
  
But I think it's more that once you find the person you are meant to be with, you really don't want anybody else. At least that's how it is with me.  
  
Masturbation helps. I only have one fantasy, and it's about you.  
  
I wonder if you remember? James and Lily's wedding. I'd never been kissed by a man before - or initiated a kiss with a man. The actual thought of kissing any man had never even crossed my mind. I do prefer women.  
  
Would I have done so if you weren't drunk? I think by that time, you weren't. I certainly wasn't. In fact, I was nervous as hell. I'd been eyeing you off all day, astonished by my reaction to you.  
  
Astonished by the lust I felt for you, and the lust I could see in your eyes.  
  
I wanted to jump on you and just fuck you until you screamed.  
  
So I talked. Ye gods, the crap I spouted forth. You just sat there and let me go on. When your lips first brushed mine, I had been running out of things to say. Wondering what I was going to say next.  
  
That tentative touch was a surprise. Such a surprise that I jumped. You obviously thought that I didn't want that kiss. I did. Craved it, actually. Craved you, with a yearning I had never had before in my life. A yearning I've never lost.  
  
When I moved away, I saw the despair flash over your face, and saw you hunch away. It nearly broke my heart to think that you had misunderstood my surprise.  
  
You felt the touch of my fingers, light as it was, and looked into my eyes.  
  
Why did you all do that? It's something I could never understand why you, Peter and James kept constantly looking directly into my eyes. Do you have any idea how disconcerting it is?  
  
And how infuriated I always was that I could never put one over on any of you.  
  
I couldn't do it again. I saw your eyes glowing, and saw the feeling you had for me in them. I knew that the same feelings were in my own eyes.  
  
I think we reached for each other at the same time. Does it matter? All that I cared about was that you were in my arms and I in yours.  
  
And our kiss.  
  
I had always heard you were the best kisser at Hogwarts - and now I was getting first hand experience of why. Where on earth did you learn to do that? And why didn't you teach your best friends? Can you imagine the girls we could have pulled if we could all have kissed like that? Bastard.  
  
Then again, I have been told my own kissing technique isn't too shabby. You certainly seemed to appreciate it.  
  
I loved how you tasted on my lips. I felt you take my tongue into your mouth, and wished it was my cock. In fact, I nearly came then and there at the thought of your mouth on my cock. I needed it. In fact, I still do. I'm hard again just thinking about it.  
  
Your body felt wonderful under my hands, and I couldn't help myself. Umm, Sirius, just how big are you? I wonder now, because when I felt your erection, it seemed huge.  
  
I've never had sex with a man. Would it hurt? I wonder about you - you and James were always into experimentation in just about everything. Peter claimed that the pair of you had "experimented" with each other, but now I don't know.  
  
I can't really see it happening; after all we were together so much that I can't think of a time when you and James were alone.  
  
Except for the holidays.  
  
And anyway, why would Peter know and not me? Or was it just another one of his lies.  
  
Anyway, our kiss. I loved it, and never wanted it to end. Or rather I did - but only to move onto the next step, with more kisses coming later.  
  
That's when I heard Peter calling. I know you did too, but my god it was an effort to stop. All I could hope was that it was dark enough for Peter not to notice our mutual hard-ons. To hope we would not have to stand up too quickly.  
  
Peter was, as usual, resentful that we had not included him in our getting drunk. Honestly - what did he think? That we'd haul him away from his girlfriend just to get drunk? We have more respect than that.  
  
He didn't. Why didn't we see it at the time? All the clues were there.  
  
Sirius, did you know that both Severus and I were working to find the spy in the Order? Unfortunately, Dumbledore didn't think to tell either of us what the other was doing, and so our notes were never compared.  
  
We compared them last month, and were both horrified to find that when taken together, they point directly to Peter.  
  
I know I wept. If we had known of the other's activities your life would have been different. James and Lily might still be alive.  
  
And Voldemort defeated once and for all.  
  
When I heard you had escaped from Azkaban, I started to wonder. To be honest, I had thought you would have been dead long ago.  
  
For you to have survived this long, perhaps there was more than I realized happening.  
  
Dumbledore wanted me to help protect Harry. Oh Sirius, Harry. When I first saw him on the train, I thought it was James come back to life. It was only by keeping my eyes closed I could even manage to breathe properly.  
  
He's not James though. He's a lot more mature than James. That's Lily. In fact, he has all Lily's steadiness of character. I can see James peeping through. He can be as reckless as James ever was.  
  
But you know that.  
  
I enjoyed getting to know Harry. Loved being his Mentor.  
  
But seeing you that night. Your appearance was a shock. I think that the only thing keeping you upright at that time was your determination to get Peter.  
  
And to be honest, I would not have believed your story if I hadn't seen the truth on the Map.  
  
Pity Severus missed it. He actually agrees - if he had looked at the bloody thing more closely - then he would have seen Peter's name. But he was only looking for two things on it. You and me. He wanted proof that we were in cahoots again.  
  
We were, but that came later in the evening.  
  
I was surprised to see how much I loved you still. Despite your appearance, despite what I first believed, my first feeling when I saw you was one of love.  
  
Lust? Not then. But then, I could also feel the change starting to affect my body. I know it affected my personality - made me more vicious than I would normally be. I know Peter could feel the difference.  
  
Thinking back, I should have killed the little rat then and there. But then we could not have used him to clear your name.  
  
Ah well, the best-laid plans and all that.  
  
And now here you are on my doorstep with a message from Dumbledore. And my heart leaps at the sight of you. You look so much better than the last time I saw you. And I still crave your touch. 


	3. Remus & Sirius Present

CHAPTER 3 - Remus and Sirius - Present  
  
The two men looked at each other, the open door a barrier between them. "For crying out loud, Sirius. Don't just stand on the bloody doorstep. You can at least come in and sit down."  
  
He shook his head. "I have to get going. Tell the others."  
  
Remus looked stubborn. "You don't you know," he waved the letter he had just finished reading. "You are supposed to stay here, and we alert the others from here. He says on no account are you to go roaming around the countryside."  
  
Sirius looked into Remus eyes. Stubbornness, of course, but behind that hurt. Hurt that he obviously didn't want to spend time with him. Sirius groaned quietly. He wanted to spend more than time with Remus, but because he didn't know what the other man wanted, had decided to continue to be alone.  
  
Remus looked older, more desperately poverty-stricken than before. Sirius wanted to take care of him. Make a home with him. Spend their lives together. Sex was part of it, but the love he felt for Remus meant he wanted to take care of him.  
  
But sex was a huge part of it, he realized. Remus still had that effect on him. Sirius wondered if he still tasted the same?  
  
Remus was just as badly affected. He wanted to take Sirius in his arms, to try to kiss away the emptiness in his eyes. And he realized that the only time in his life he had felt truly loved, secure, was when Sirius was holding him.  
  
He needed that feeling. He missed their full moon frolics. Full moon was desperately lonely for him. Sirius was the only person living who he had allowed to spend full moon with him in his wolf form. And he wanted that companionship again.  
  
And he desperately wanted to make love with him. To feel bare flesh against bare flesh.  
  
Sirius shifted slightly and seemed to come to a decision. "I'll come in, but I'm not staying."  
  
Stubborn. "Suit yourself. Tea or coffee? I've nothing else, I'm afraid."  
  
"Coffee, Black, no sugar."  
  
Remus' mouth tightened. He knew Sirius. Knew he hated black coffee. Knew he had a sweet tooth. "Please don't. I'm not that stupid."  
  
Sirius suddenly grinned. "Then tea please. You know how."  
  
Remus busied himself making tea; thankful Minerva McGonagall had passed to him (via Severus) a tin of shortbread. At least both he and Sirius could indulge their joint sweet teeth.  
  
Remus shivered. That wasn't all he wanted to indulge, but he honestly could not see anything like that happening right now.  
  
Not with Sirius in the mood he appeared to be in. He turned and jumped to find Sirius standing behind him. "Can I help?"  
  
"Typical. You wait until the work is done before offering to help. Bloody typical." They both smiled, the whole little scenario was old, and the two had played it out many times in the past.  
  
Sirius pulled Remus towards him and held him tight. "I've missed you, Moony. You have no idea how much."  
  
Remus relaxed into the embrace, his own arms tightening. "I have a fairly good idea," he said. How long did the embrace last? A minute? An eternity? They stayed locked together until their own arousal caused reaction.  
  
Both broke away awkwardly - neither wanting (or was it able?) to make the first move. Neither able to believe the desire in the other.  
  
They sat at the rickety table in the kitchen, desperately trying to find a topic that was neutral.  
  
"Has Dumbledore filled you in about the Order being revived?"  
  
Sirius nodded. "One of the reason's I'm not going to stay is because I've offered Dumbledore the house in London to use as headquarters, and he's accepted."  
  
"But what about you?"  
  
"I'll stay there."  
  
"Sirius, you hate the place. And in London you'll be much more vulnerable," in his concern, Remus leaned over the table and placed a hand over Sirius'. "Stay here. At least it's in the country enough that you can get outside."  
  
"And miss all the fun?" But Sirius didn't move his hand, at least not far. He twisted it so that their hands were clasped.  
  
"Better than being re-captured and going back to Azkaban."  
  
Sirius smiled. "Would you miss me, Moony?" He was stunned at his words. Was he flirting with Remus? He didn't care. He could hear his blood thundering in his head, and he wanted an answer. Wanted to hear Remus Lupin confess that he would miss him.  
  
"Yes. I would miss you. Like I've missed you every day since you were first captured. And I would regret the rest of my life what I've missed."  
  
"What have you missed?" He was serious now. Had Remus regretted kissing him? Or that it had not happened again? He needed to know.  
  
"Missed? This." Remus rose and came around the table. He drew Sirius up and pulled him close. His lips gently brushed over the other man's, who's arms joined the embrace and whose lips changed the gentle brushing kiss to something stronger.  
  
Sirius deepened the kiss, deliberately using all the tricks he knew to arouse. He was appalled at the feel of Remus in his arms, though. Remus who's wiry frame had used to be sleek and smoothly muscled was now plain thin. Appallingly thin.  
  
Sirius had, however, no idea that his own frame was in much the same condition.  
  
Hands moved, stroking and smoothing, loving and exploring.  
  
They finally broke apart from a need to breathe, but stayed locked in their embrace. "So you would have missed that?" asked Sirius finally.  
  
"Can't you be serious ever?"  
  
"Oh but I am serious. Very serious. Are you sure you wouldn't have missed something else more?"  
  
"How can you miss what you haven't known?"  
  
"Do you want to?"  
  
"To what?"  
  
Sirius looked frustrated. "Have another cup of tea! What the fuck do you think I mean, Remus? For crying out loud, we've just snogged each other's socks off!"  
  
Remus smiled slyly. He loved getting a rise out of Sirius. It had been a hobby of his since he was 12, and he had been unable to resist the temptation.  
  
"Git. I knew exactly what you meant. Make love? To you? Oh God yes! I've wanted it for almost 20 years."  
  
Sirius was taken back. "Really? That long?" Remus nodded, his face going red. "Remus, please don't tell me you haven't..." Remus nodded again, the red becoming deeper. "Shit. Why Remus?"  
  
"I didn't want anybody else."  
  
Bloody typical Remus. Stubborn as when he sets his mind to something. Sirius frowned. He wasn't sure he was ready for that sort of responsibility. But then you've not exactly been getting out there and shagging yourself silly, whispered a tiny voice in his mind. Especially not when you think about him.  
  
Sirius looked at Remus, who was gazing directly at him, his eyes openly showing his desire, his body tense with longing. Thank god for robes, thought Sirius. At least we can't see the obvious evidence.  
  
They could each feel it in themselves though.  
  
Sirius groaned and sat down heavily, hiding his head in his hands. He wanted Remus. Wanted him badly. But couldn't face the fact that his friend had obviously chosen him long ago as the only mate he wanted.  
  
Remus laid a gentle hand on Sirius head and bent down and kissed the rough hair. He was patient. He could wait. It was only a matter of time now.  
  
"I do love you, you idiot," he said softly. Sirius looked up his face reflecting emotions - surprise, denial, love, and an overwhelming joy.  
  
"I know. I love you too. I just can't handle the responsibility of being your first lover for 20 years."  
  
"Actually.."  
  
"Remus, don't say it. If you tell me you're a virgin, I may just slit your throat. Or mine. Or is this your idea of a joke? If it is, I warn you it's very sad, and I may have to do you serious injury."  
  
Remus choked. "I'm not a virgin, but I've never had the, shall we say, extensive experience, you've had. But shouldn't that be Sirius injury?"  
  
The two looked at each other and suddenly burst into laughter. This was the sort of thing they had always indulged in - the deliberate misunderstanding and double entendre. Ok - single entendre. But the verbal bandiage was the result of two people who knew each other inside out.  
  
Sirius grabbed him and the two began another long kiss. When they finally separated, Sirius sighed. "I missed that so much."  
  
"The kissing? Or the joking?"  
  
"Either. Both. You. Come with me."  
  
"Delighted to, but I want more foreplay than that."  
  
"Git. I mean come with me to London. Live with me," he looked harassed. "I can't stay there alone. And I want a home that Harry can come to," he looked fondly at Remus. "I'd love more than anything to live here with you, but there's not really room for more than us, and I want Harry to have a home with me."  
  
Remus looked at him. It seemed as though Sirius had really been doing a lot of deep thinking. Now he understood. Now he could see the reasoning.  
  
Without thinking, he kissed Sirius tenderly, their lips just touching. "Of course. But I can't be with you all the time. I have to contribute, and the only way I can do that is by doing certain tasks for the order. You understand that?"  
  
Sirius looked sulky, and Remus felt his heart sink. Obviously he had not grown up that much. "I suppose so," he said after a while. "I can always visit Harry at school on Hogsmeade weekends when you're not there."  
  
"No Sirius. You can't. It's too dangerous. Harry won't want you putting yourself in needless danger."  
  
Sirius shook his head stubbornly. "He won't mind. He'll enjoy it."  
  
"Harry is not James, Sirius. No matter how much you want it to be, he's a very different person to James."  
  
"I know that," said Sirius, his voice, though, was unconvincing.  
  
At that point, Remus started to worry about Sirius. This was more than not wanting to grow up. He started to believe that perhaps the years in Azkaban had done damage to his mind. He pulled Sirius closer, cradling his head on his shoulder.  
  
Sirius Black was far more fragile than anybody realized. 


	4. Old Friends

CHAPTER 4 - Old Friends  
  
The place was appalling. That was Remus' first thought. His next was no wonder Sirius is so mixed up.  
  
That portrait of Mrs Black in the foyer would definitely have to go. He also realized that they had a lot of work to clean the place up - make it habitable.  
  
He wished he had insisted that Sirius and Harry live in his cottage - small and tumbledown though it was, at least it was not going to send Sirius further and further into whatever mental hell he was currently in.  
  
The truth was, Remus was badly worried about Sirius. So worried that he had put off all sexual suggestions that he had thrown his way. He wished that they had not been interrupted that first night at the cottage - that they had become lovers then.  
  
Unfortunately, things had happened too quickly, and they had been interrupted with urgent news, and an immediate move to London.  
  
He shivered as he came downstairs. As a matter of course, he and Sirius were sharing a bed, but nothing else. Sirius was becoming more and more morose every day, his gloom almost palpable.  
  
Not even the arrival of the Weasley family had helped - it had just made things worse when Sirius realized that he was not allowed to have Harry yet - nor could he write to him.  
  
Remus wondered if Dumbledore knew how much Sirius cared about Harry. Knew that he cried himself to sleep over the fact that he could not look after him.  
  
His worst moods were because he was trapped inside. Tonight they were to go to collect Harry. Sirius had desperately wanted to go. Remus had, for once, agreed that he should go. He knew Sirius needed to take charge of this. Needed to be Harry's protector.  
  
Dumbledore had adamantly refused to allow it, and had actually put a hex on Sirius to keep him in the house.  
  
They managed to get Harry back to the house, everybody chilled to the bone and just as weary. Remus wondered how he would get through the meeting, and the aftermath of the meeting only made him wearier than ever.  
  
Finally, it was over. Finally he could stop.  
  
Remus made his way up to bed - stopping only for a long hot shower that managed to soothe the worst of the cold from his body. If only his muscles would stop spasming he would be a lot happier.  
  
He reached bed and just fell into it, tossing aside his dressing gown. Too tired, too sore to try to find his pyjamas. His head hit the pillow and he fell deeply asleep.  
  
Sirius found him there, and was appalled at how ill he looked in his sleep. He had put on some weight in the last month, so was not as appallingly thin, but it was obvious that the effort of collecting Harry had been almost too much for Remus.  
  
He could see the muscles in his body spasming in his sleep, and heard the soft moans of pain, saw him shivering with cold, despite the warmth. Sirius' heart constricted. He couldn't let Remus suffer like this. He loved him far too much. Undressing swiftly, he climbed into bed, pulling Remus' cold body into his own warmth, cuddling him close.  
  
He felt Remus relax into him, heard the small sigh and raised his head to gently brush Remus lips with his own. "You fool," he said. "Why won't you ask for help?" He lay down, holding Remus tight against him, chest to chest, Remus' head tucked onto his shoulder. He felt Remus' breathing becoming deeper, more relaxed and felt his own moving into the same rhythm. Soon, they both slept, deeply and more peacefully than they had ever slept before.  
  
But then, they had never slept in each others arms like this before. 


	5. New Lovers

CHAPTER 5 - New Lovers  
  
Remus could never decide what woke him - the kissing or the stroking. He later decided it was probably both, as when he became conscious of his surroundings, both were happening at the same time.  
  
He gladly gave himself up to both, his mouth opening under the kiss, allowing his mate's tongue access, and using his own tongue to great effect. He heard himself moaning with pleasure and decided that it was useless to try to resist.  
  
Sirius had obviously decided to take matters into his own hands. As it were.  
  
The kiss ended, and he opened his eyes to see Sirius propped above him, his hand lightly stroking Remus cock. Teasing, tantalizing. Sirius black eyes were twinkling amused, loving, aroused.  
  
"You have the most amazingly responsive body."  
  
Remus was taken back. As an opening gambit, this was definitely unexpected. "Is that a compliment?" he asked.  
  
Sirius nodded, kissing him briefly. "I love a responsive lover. It makes it easier to please them. His head dipped and his tongue traced around Remus nipple, the sensation making him growl softly. "Amazing," said Sirius, "I've never seen anything like it."  
  
"Are you trying to be funny?"  
  
"No. I love it that you are like this. I love to see your response to what I do to you. And I hope that when you touch me like I'm touching you, my responses will please you." He stopped the stroking and drew Remus close under him, plastering Remus body to his own and kissed the other man, making the kiss as deep and as loving as he could, using his skills (rusty though they were) to make Remus writhe beneath him - the sensation arousing him as much as it did Remus.  
  
God this felt right.  
  
Remus own arms wrapped themselves around Sirius back, pulling him closer, their teeth grazing lips, tongues exploring, tasting. Remus let his hands wander over Sirius, loving the feel of his long length of back, enjoying the firmness of his buttocks, and moving to explore between his thighs.  
  
Sirius groaned. If Remus had not admitted his lack of experience, Sirius would have been willing to bet a master had tutored him. But he knew that Remus would never have lied about something like this, and realized that he had no idea exactly what his touch was doing. Sirius broke the kiss with a gasp. "That feels wonderful. Please don't stop."  
  
Remus started slightly - he had been enjoying the feel of Sirius, never realizing that Sirius had also enjoyed the touch. He became more adventurous, allowing his hands to explore everything he was curious about. "Can I look at you?" he asked tentatively. "You've obviously spent some time looking at me. Now I want to look at you. To explore you."  
  
Sirius rolled off Remus and lay back. "Where would you like to start?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know. I've never done anything like this before." Sirius was silent, and he pulled Remus down for a quick kiss. Remus sat up, one arm over Sirius body. "Have you?"  
  
The silence was electric. "Yes," said Sirius finally. "I have."  
  
"With a man?"  
  
Sirius grew exasperated. "No Remus - with a trained monkey. Yes. With a man. And a woman."  
  
"I knew about the women."  
  
"I mean both at the same time," said Sirius gently, amused at how naive Remus was. "I had a very adventurous girlfriend once, and she and I visited a swingers club. I learned a lot that night. And enjoyed myself." There was no way he was going to confess he had continued to visit that club. That he had enjoyed it thoroughly.  
  
Or that his most common partners had been James and Lily.  
  
Remus had moved on, however, returning to the core of the matter.  
  
"Will you teach me?"  
  
"To do what?"  
  
"To make love to you. To give you pleasure."  
  
"Remus, you don't need to be taught to give me pleasure. For gods sake look at me. I'm so hard just from kissing you that if you touch my cock, I'll probably come. I've have not been in a state like this since James and I bet each other we could do without any form of sexual stimulation for a term."  
  
"You what?" Remus was astonished.  
  
"You heard. And no. I'm not telling you the details. At least not right now. But I would like you to look. And touch. And kiss. I really want you to kiss me."  
  
Remus bent over Sirius, eager to comply with the kissing. "Not on the lips, Remus. Well, yes, on the lips, but right this moment, I want your mouth elsewhere."  
  
Remus blushed. "Oh!" Finally he took a long look at Sirius, and caught his breath with joy. "You're beautiful," he said in awe. "So beautiful." His hands moved lightly over Sirius chest, Sirius gasping as they trailed over his nipples, and moved down towards his stomach, towards the black hair at the junction of his legs.  
  
Remus eyes were, however locked at Sirius erection. He was huge. Remus had heard the phrase "hung like a horse" - in fact he had heard it about Sirius, but had not believed it. He did now. "Shit, Sirius. How are we going to get that inside me?" Sirius chuckled. "The same way we'll get you inside me." Remus looked at him. "Oh yes, my friend. I fully intend to be fucked as well as to fuck." His hand moved up and down Remus arm. "Equals, remember? I honestly can't decide what I want more - you to fuck me or me to fuck you."  
  
Remus shivered, his hand finally, tentatively, moving to Sirius cock, stroking and petting it. Watching amazedly as it responded. He knew his own had never reacted like this when he masturbated.  
  
Sirius knew that he would have to take the lead this once - if he left it to Remus things would never get consummated. He grabbed Remus and pushed him down onto the bed, his hand moving to Remus cock again, rubbing, and pulling gently. "Sorry if you've not looked your fill yet, but there's plenty of time to look. I have something I want to do far more urgently."  
  
Sirius kissed Remus and let his mouth trail down his body, avoiding Remus own erection - not as big as his own, but still - Sirius really wanted that cock, but wanted Remus to be thoroughly ready first.  
  
His fingers lightly trailed Remus inner thighs, and he let his mouth follow his fingers, until the obvious target was reached. Sirius sighed and let his tongue lap the full length of Remus erect cock, lightly flicking over the tip, loving the sudden jerk and cry from his mate.  
  
He wrapped his mouth around the shaft, and then, finally, moved and lowered his head onto Remus cock, taking it in his mouth and sucking. He heard Remus cry out, and felt his hand on the back of his head.  
  
Sirius let his mouth move up and down, and managed to catch the rhythm of Remus hips as they thrust. He stopped his sucking long enough to murmur encouragement.  
  
Remus had never felt such a wonderful sensation. That magnificent licking, sucking feeling had nearly turned him inside out. His hand draped itself over Sirius shoulders, clenching each time Sirius sucked, and heard is own moans in time with the same wonderful sucking.  
  
Sirius hand stroking his balls added another dimension, and he felt his hips buck wildly, felt his orgasm starting and was expecting at any minute Sirius would do something, kiss him, so that they could orgasm.  
  
He didn't expect Sirius to merely suck harder, to encourage him. "That's it, Remus. Come for me. I want to taste you, love." Taste him? Oh god, he wasn't? Remus came, crying out as he felt Sirius swallowing enthusiastically. He was. Remus came again, unable to control the erotic sensations he was feeling, and his cries became growls, became screams as he emptied himself into Sirius eager mouth.  
  
Finally, spent, he watched Sirius tenderly kiss his now limp cock and take him in his arms.  
  
"That," said Sirius, "Was probably the best meal I've ever had."  
  
"You really enjoyed it?"  
  
"Remus! I wouldn't have kept on with it if I wasn't enjoying it. If you weren't obviously enjoying it. That was the best. That you loved it. It made it even better for me."  
  
"But I thought it was for your pleasure."  
  
"It was. And yours. And next you can do the same to me. If you want."  
  
Remus looked at Sirius, and let his hand caress his cock, felt the cock nuzzle into his palm. "Oh yes please!" he cried and lowered his head, trying to remember what Sirius had done to him.  
  
He felt Sirius hand on his head, drawing it up. "Go with your feelings, Remus. Do it how you want, not how you think I did on you."  
  
"I want you to feel as wonderful as I did."  
  
Sirius groaned, pulling Remus for a long kiss. Remus tasted a faint salty tang in Sirius mouth, and it aroused him even more. "Did you taste yourself?" asked Sirius, "I love the taste of you. I felt wonderful when I drank your come. I felt wonderful when I was sucking your cock. I feel wonderful just being here with you."  
  
Finally it dawned on Remus. Sirius didn't care about his lack of experience. In fact, now he thought about it, it was probably turning Sirius on. All Sirius wanted was for them to make love. To be together as they had wanted for 20 years. Lack of technique would be fixed with time.  
  
Feelings came first, last and always.  
  
He smiled and lowered his lead, gently kissing to top of Sirius erection. "I think I'm going to thoroughly enjoy this." He thrilled at the reaction of Sirius to each touch, and experimented with different pressures in different areas. Sirius cock was just wonderful, it tasted good, and it's reactions caused similar ones in his own body. He looked up and saw Sirius watching intently, his hand stroking Remus back. Sirius moved his gaze from Remus at his cock to Remus own cock, now standing erect again.  
  
"Move around, Remus. I want to stroke your cock as you suck me."  
  
Remus moved with alacrity, bending his head again over Sirius cock. If he was going to do something like that, then Remus had better get a start on pleasing his partner.  
  
He loved the feel of Sirius cock filling his mouth, and happily sucked and licked, almost (and he chuckled to himself) as if it was a particularly delectable lollipop. He loved the way it jumped in his mouth, and he felt Sirius hand move faster on his own cock, felt Sirius hips start to pump, fucking Remus in the mouth.  
  
Remus moaned and sucked harder, tasting the pre-come and wanting more. He moved his hand to take the base of Sirius' cock firmly, and used his other hand to play with Sirius balls. Sirius gasped and began to pump his hips harder, astonished that innocent Remus seemed to know exactly what to do to bring him to the edge and keep him there. He twisted his body and pressed a kiss into the top of Remus head. "Harder, Remus. Suck harder. I'm about to come."  
  
Remus complied, his own excitement mounting, feeling his own hips pump his cock into Sirius hand. He wanted this - wanted to suck Sirius dry.  
  
He felt Sirius come into his mouth and swallowed desperately. He had not imagined there would be this much, but oh god it tasted good. Salty and sweet at the same time, with a tang that he would always recognize as Sirius. The same tang he had tasted the first time he had ever kissed Sirius. A taste uniquely his.  
  
Finally, he felt Sirius cock go limp, and realized that he had also come, and that Sirius was licking his fingers and hand, licking his own come off, as if he had used his hand to clean a bowl of cream. Remus sat up and Sirius caught his breath. Obviously he had no idea of the tiny trickle of cum at the corner of his mouth.  
  
Sirius couldn't help himself; he moved close to Remus and licked the corner of his mouth, licking his own cum from his lover's lips.  
  
Remus realized at the same time what he was doing, and pulled him into a deep, aroused kiss, his mouth opening wide under Sirius, letting Sirius tongue probe deeply, tasting.  
  
Sirius lowered himself onto Remus, rubbing him against him, and felt Remus respond.  
  
Ye gods - he had never been this easily aroused before. Normally when he came that deeply, he needed a good hour to revive, not mere seconds as it had been. But then, none of those partners had been his mate.  
  
Sirius kissed Remus deeper, and felt Remus pull him closer, deepening the kiss of his own accord, wrapping his arms around Sirius.  
  
The kiss ended, with a series of smacking kisses from Sirius, both of them jerking as they orgasmed again. Remus pushed the long hair out of Sirius face, letting him see that beloved face fully. "So," he said eagerly, "What comes next?" 


	6. Sirius Present

CHAPTER 6 - Sirius Present  
  
Well, I always have to say about Remus that he may be a slow starter, but once he gets the hang of something, just stand back and watch him go.  
  
His question astounded me, though. Surely he knew? And anyway, I was definitely not going to do anything more to him. Not tonight anyway. Not without more preparation.  
  
I kiss him again. Thinking about it, I could probably just go on kissing him forever. "Nothing tonight, love," I say, "We need more preparation to go further. Without it, I'll hurt you too much. And I can't do that."  
  
I can see comprehension suddenly dawning on Remus face, and he blushes. Interesting. His blush starts in his groin. I can't help myself and pull him to me again, kissing his lips, pressing kisses to his jaw. He needs to shave, and the roughness of his jaw is arousing me.  
  
I can't believe I'm hard again! It's certainly going to be inconvenient if I get a hard on just by touching him. I am, however, pleased to note he has the same reaction. Good. I can't help myself though, and press my groin to his, making sure our cocks are touching, and start to rub myself against him.  
  
No words, no kissing. Just the rubbing. It feels good to me, and I can feel Remus reaction as he lies in my arms, desperately trying to get me to kiss him, to touch him.  
  
Fat chance. I want to torment him like this. To torment myself. It feels so good, and Remus is moaning and writhing next to me. His body is so wonderfully responsive, and I'm enjoying each and every response.  
  
With a moan, he comes. I feel his come as a warm spurt against my belly. Suddenly, I have the most erotic thought I've ever had, and raise my body up, my hand encouraging my own orgasm to spurt over as much of Remus body as possible.  
  
"Lie back, Remus. Don't say anything. Don't move. Just let me do this to you."  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
I grin. "Wait and see."  
  
Let's start with a kiss. The only parts of us that are touching are our lips, and my cock as it lies on his body.  
  
Then I move down his body, licking my own come off him. He realizes what I am doing and moans loudly, begging me not to stop.  
  
To be honest, I don't want to. I've never done anything like this before, but my god it's turning me on! I can feel my own cock hard again as I move down to Remus groin. His cock is also hard.  
  
I start to lick the brown hair around his cock and his balls, laving it and ignoring his cock completely (not something that I'm finding easy to do, by the way). This is so good!  
  
Finally, I lower my mouth over Remus cock (again!) and start sucking. Again, his wonderfully responsive body let's me know of his pleasure.  
  
I move my hand and start to pump my own cock at the same time, my efforts managing to bring us both to climax at the same time.  
  
I don't know about Remus, but I'm finished for the night. My own tiredness, though, seems nothing to his. As I move up his body to kiss him, he sighs happily and closes his eyes.  
  
Sleep claims us both, but not before I whisper to him of my love, not before I make sure he is tucked firmly into my arms.  
  
Where he belongs. Where I never want him to move.  
  
My beloved Werewolf. 


	7. Remus Present

CHAPTER 7 - Remus present  
  
I feel wonderful when I wake up. I honestly can't believe how good what Sirius and I did. Even if we didn't actually go all the way.  
  
And waking up in itself was marvelous. I love the way Sirius wraps himself around me. It makes me feel incredibly secure.  
  
Unfortunately, this morning I can't savour the feelings. I have to get up and leave.  
  
And I have to leave Sirius behind. That's the hardest thing. To know that he will have to remain behind whilst I can go out into the world.  
  
To stay here in this horrible place with that awful elf. Filling his mind with half-truths and venom.  
  
And knowing that when I come back, the Sirius I know and love will be gone, replaced by a sulky child. And it hurts.  
  
I have to tell him. I can't just leave. Snuggling closer, I press my lips to him; repaying the favour he woke me with. I can fell him sigh as I kiss him, and he draws me closer to him.  
  
"Morning, love."  
  
"Morning, Moony. Haven't you had enough yet?"  
  
"Of you? Never. Unfortunately, however, I can't indulge. I have to go."  
  
Sirius face is hurt, but I can see in his eyes he understands. "In that case," he says, "You can pick up a couple of things for us."  
  
"Such as?" I ask - stupidly as it turns out. Sirius tells me, and then tells me in explicit detail what he intends to do with the "couple of things". My own face is quite astonished. His bark of laughter at the look on my face is so typical of the arrogant git. But then, his kiss immediately after takes away the sting. There are some reactions that are just so Sirius - things that have stayed the same since we were 11, that I can't take them to heart.  
  
Fortunately, his worst traits seem to have vanished with maturity. I do have a concern, though and voice it.  
  
"And just where do I get these things?"  
  
"I'll give you an address."  
  
Something tells me that Sirius has a bit more experience than he is letting on. I don't really care. Not when he makes me feel like this.  
  
And not when I can obviously make him feel just as good.  
  
I like that. I like that I can give him such pleasure. And I can't wait until I get back again.  
  
Only one thing is worrying me a little, though. How on earth will we tell Harry? And what will his reaction be? 


	8. Who's Wolf?

CHAPTER 8 - Who's Wolf?  
  
Remus is home. The thought shot through Sirius mind, overtaking everything else. He could hear Remus deep voice gravely wishing the portrait of his mother Merry Christmas, and her screeched response.  
  
He knew Remus loved to get a rise out of the portrait. Damn werewolf, did he have to be so deep?  
  
Sirius had missed him badly - he had been away for three months now, and it was only the reassurances from Dumbledore that he was okay that had kept him from going in search of his lover.  
  
Of course, the sexual frustration hadn't helped. Sirius heard the sound of running feet coming upstairs and seconds later was crushed as Remus jumped on him, kissing him soundly and apologizing for being away for so long.  
  
Remus, himself was appalled at Sirius. He was unshaven, and Remus could smell and taste the stale alcohol. He resolved to tell Dumbledore that he could not go away for so long again. Not when his mate was in this sort of mental state.  
  
He held him close and stroked his rough hair. He didn't care if anybody burst in on them. All that mattered was to try to bring Sirius out of the deep depression he was in.  
  
"Oh Padfoot! What have you been doing to yourself?"  
  
"Just the usual. Hanging around the house. Trying not to kill Kreacher. Putting up with Snape's snide comments. Being totally and completely useless. Missing you."  
  
Remus winced at the tone. It was harsh, but he was reassured as Sirius wrapped his arms around him - holding him close. Sirius seemed touch- starved. He probably was, as obviously it was rare for him to get visitors, let alone any visitor who would hug him.  
  
"Well, I'm not going anywhere for some time now. And, sad though it is, we'll have a full house for Christmas. Sirius, we have to make Christmas - for Harry if nothing else."  
  
"I want to. But I can't even go out and buy him a Christmas present. What sort of godfather am I?"  
  
Remus kissed him tenderly. "A godfather on the run is what you are. But you have been a very good godfather for Harry. Apart from your occasional fits of the sullens, you're always there when he needs you. And I can always do the Christmas shopping for you. You only need to tell me what you want."  
  
"I know what I want from you, Remus Lupin. You did remember my last shopping list?"  
  
Remus blushed. He had remembered, but when he saw Sirius and the state he was in, the pleasurable anticipation he had been feeling had fled. His mate needed comfort, not sex.  
  
It seemed, though, that Sirius was done with comforting, and sex was back on the agenda.  
  
"I remembered. I had to make a guess though on the oil. I had no idea there was so many to choose from."  
  
Sirius laughed. Typical of Remus. He asked for massage oil, and the bloody wolf agonized over the scent. And yet, it was nice to know that he was caring about that.  
  
"So what did you get?"  
  
"Erm - a blend actually." Remus sounded hesitant and Sirius twisted around to see his face. Was it the light or was Remus blushing?  
  
Sirius felt totally mischievous. Time to tease.  
  
He moved his hands to Remus shirt, unbuttoning it and moving his lips to his chest. "What sort of blend? Herbs? Floral?"  
  
Remus gasped - he had almost forgotten what Sirius mouth felt like on his body. Almost - but not quite. He groaned softly, wanting more.  
  
"A bit of both," he finally got out.  
  
Sirius moved back to his lips, nibbling and sucking - almost but not quite a kiss. "Nice. Does it have a name? Or was it one you concocted yourself." He paused and pulled back. Oh please god, not one Remus had concocted himself. He could still remember their Potions classes, and Remus complete lack of ability.  
  
"I've learned not to try to mix things. It took Snape almost braining me to get it into my head that I have absolutely no ability in that area, but I learnt."  
  
"When was this?"  
  
"Last year. I tried to mix myself a cough syrup. Snape arrived just as it exploded. He said I was probably worse at potions than Neville Longbottom - because Longbottom can, apparently, brew a cough syrup. I can't."  
  
Sirius couldn't help himself. He laughed at the thought of Remus completely fucking up a simple cough syrup, and Snape's reaction to it.  
  
Remus looked so adorably chagrined at his reaction that Sirius couldn't help but to kiss him. "I'm laughing with you, sweetheart, not at you. And I would have loved to see Snape in full flight."  
  
Remus chuckled. "It was amusing - afterwards. And he did brew me a very good syrup himself," Remus paused. What he had to say was important, but he knew Sirius wouldn't take it well. "Sirius, you have to learn to trust Snape. You've got to let go of the past with him. When it comes down to the line, he is a decent person. And you have to admit, when he says he will do something, he does it without any stinting."  
  
"I hate that sniveling git," Sirius gave one of his barks of laughter. "Snivellus. It was an apt name for him. Greasy, slimy idiot. And now he takes his hatred of James out on Harry."  
  
"I know, but you're not the only one holding grudges. And we did do some horrible things to him. Things I should have stopped and didn't." Remus looked rueful.  
  
Sirius tensed. "Oh Shit!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Harry!"  
  
"What about Harry?"  
  
"I've not mentioned anything to Harry."  
  
Sirius then indulged himself with a long kiss, and felt Remus respond happily. When they had finished he nibbled on his ear. "Now, back to the oil question. What is the blend?"  
  
Remus blushed again. "Well, it's called Passion actually." Sirius laughed, and Remus punched him on the arm. "I didn't know it when I bought it. In fact, I bought it because it smelled the nicest. It wasn't until the assistant mentioned the name that I knew."  
  
"That's my boy."  
  
"Sirius, what about Christmas presents. Do you want to write a list and I'll go and get them?"  
  
"Yes. I wish I could come with you, though. And Remus," he looked serious here, "I want them to be from both of us. I want everybody to know. I want to be able to kiss you when you come into a room. I want to be able to worry."  
  
"Sirius, are you sure? You're not just trying to..."  
  
"No, Remus. I wouldn't insult you like that. I genuinely want to share everything I have with you," he paused. "In fact, I've actually made some legal changes that make you my equal partner. My Gringott's vault is in both our names, and I've even made a will. If I die, or get caught, then my guardianship of Harry will be transferred to you. Everything I own is being left to you, and if you die, then to Harry. I want to take care of you both."  
  
"Don't talk of dying, Sirius. Not now. Not ever." Remus was genuinely distressed, but touched. Sirius was growing up! He reached out and kissed him lovingly. "I thank you for that, love. And yes - I agree. It's time we made obvious what everybody suspects. But we have to tell Harry first."  
  
"I can't." Sirius voice was hoarse with emotion.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I don't want Harry to think that he won't come first with me."  
  
"Harry may be as dense as they come when it comes to sex - be it male or female - but he's not a complete idiot. He knows you love him. For that matter, he knows that both you and I put him first."  
  
"And that's the other reason I can't tell him. He is the densest teenager when it comes to sex. Not even young Ron is that dumb."  
  
"It's up to you, love. Harry is your godson, so I'll go with whatever you say. For myself, I believe that he should know -about you and I. Perhaps, though, a joint Christmas present from us will make him twig." Remus twined himself further around Sirius. "And now to the important questions. Have you anything else you should be doing today?"  
  
Sirius smiled. "One thing."  
  
"Oh!" Remus was taken back. "What is that?"  
  
"Making love to you." Sirius stood, and pulled Remus up with him. "Everybody else is out. We're alone - if you ignore Kreacher. Where's the shopping?"  
  
"I sent it to our room."  
  
"Brilliant idea. Coming?"  
  
"Not yet, but soon.."  
  
"Remus, you have got a dirty, dirty mind."  
  
"That reminds me - not that you're not tempting, but I've not had a hot shower for a few days. Do you mind if I have a bath first?"  
  
"Only if I'm not allowed in there with you."  
  
Remus had never thought a shower would be inordinately sexy, especially since he knew just how filthy he currently was, but Sirius seemed to think that made it even more fun.  
  
And once Remus got over his surprise, he rather liked the feeling of being bathed by Sirius. Especially when Sirius decided he needed to be clean everywhere.  
  
Now Remus was aware of the logistics of he and Sirius having sex. Had worked out where things go, but had no idea that, well, other things (Sirius soapy fingers for example) would work as well.  
  
He enjoyed that. He also enjoyed Sirius reaction when he did the same to him.  
  
And having Sirius go down on him in the shower was especially nice. Which was were more fingers came into play up his arse.  
  
Sirius carefully dried off his lover, paying particular attention to those areas that he knew were particularly sensitive. He chuckled to himself at Remus reactions, and reflected again that he was definitely a fast learner.  
  
Tossing aside the towel, he moved to leave the bathroom, when Remus hand on his arm stopped him. Remus pulled him back and kissed him long and hard, wrapping his arms around Sirius and holding him close. Sirius kissed back, loving the feeling of bare flesh against bare flesh.  
  
He pushed Remus against the vanity and began to rub himself hard against him. Remus responded, and the two kissed and rubbed their way to orgasm. Remus broke the kiss finally. "I love you. I love you so much that I can't even begin to think what it's like not to love you."  
  
"I love you too. I've been alone so long, but then I had Harry. And now there's you. And I know that I'll never be alone again. Thank you for loving me, Remus." Their kiss this time was softer, and they drifted out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, collapsing onto the bed.  
  
"The door, Sirius. Please shut and lock the door. I don't want us interrupted in any way."  
  
"Neither do I. Sirius found his wand and shut the door, locking it and putting a little charm on it that sealed it against any entry, and against any escaping sounds.  
  
"Now you can scream to your heart's content, Moony. We aren't going to be interrupted."  
  
"How do you know I'll be the one screaming? What about you?"  
  
"You're going to scream first, my love. Because I intend to show you just how much I've missed you. And I intend to be the first to fuck your gorgeous arse into oblivion."  
  
Remus sighed. "Then shut up and get started. You talk far too much." The two melted into another long kiss, letting their hands wander aimlessly, but both feeling a little shy.  
  
This was to be the final consummation of their love, and both were exceedingly nervous. Remus because he'd never had sex with a man before, and Sirius because he didn't want to hurt him - although he knew it would.  
  
"You have to relax, Remus. Otherwise it'll hurt more."  
  
"I want to, but I've never done this before. I don't know what you want me to do."  
  
"Stop worrying is a good start. Relaxing is another good thing. Kissing me is good too. But mostly, trusting that I love you."  
  
Remus sighed and tried to relax. "I don't even know how you want me."  
  
"Here," and Sirius grabbed a pillow and put it on the bed. "Settle your arse on that and lie back." He chuckled suddenly. "Lie back and think of England!"  
  
Remus groaned and used the pillow to beat Sirius about the head for a bit. "Think of England my arse."  
  
"What a wonderful idea. Now get your arse down so I can fuck you."  
  
Sirius kissed Remus as he moved him into position, and, unable to control the impulse, bent over and took his cock in his mouth as he reached for the bottle of oil. Reluctantly he raised his head, and tipped some oil onto his hand, rubbing it on his own cock, and making sure one hand was also well lubricated.  
  
He then bent back to Remus cock, sucking and licking, and carefully, slowly, slipped a finger up Remus arse. He heard the other man moan, but was unable to tell whether it was from the sucking or the other. He slipped another finger in, sucking Remus cock harder, and began to move his fingers.  
  
Remus moan this time was definitely one of enjoyment, and his hips began to move with the movement of Sirius fingers. "Keep on doing that. Oh god yes!" His cock hardened and Sirius decided it was now or never. Raising his head, he bent and kissed his lover, his oiled fingers grasping his own cock and guiding it towards the now well-oiled opening.  
  
Carefully, slowly he pushed his cock in. He felt Remus stiffen beneath him and went to move out, but Remus hand on his arse was pushing him forward. "Don't pull it out. I want you all the way in."  
  
Sirius moved slightly to get better access, and Remus gasped beneath him, writhing with obvious pleasure. "Sirius, you had better hurry or I'm going to come before you can even get started." Remus hands moved to Sirius hips and pulled downwards. Sirius let out his own gasp as he felt the muscles of Remus arse constrict around his cock and he started to move, thrusting and using his arms to give him leverage.  
  
He looked down at Remus whose eyes were closed, and who was moaning, his hips moving in time with Sirius thrusts. Remus hand moved towards his own cock, and he began pumping it. Not without me, thought Sirius, and his fingers entwined with Remus hand on the cock, both of them now rubbing in time with Sirius thrusts.  
  
As for himself, Sirius had never been so aroused. He was fucking his mate, the one person he wanted to be with all his life, and he knew that he would not be able to get enough.  
  
He remembered the first time he had ever had sex at age 14 - the tight little cunt of a Slytherin 7th year who specialized in "relieving" boys of their virginity. She had taught him a lot, and had told him the spell she used to make her own cunt seem as if she was a virgin each time. He hadn't been able to get enough of her either.  
  
The tightness of Remus arse was like that. The big difference was he loved Remus, whilst he couldn't even remember the name of the girl - only that she was a damn good fuck.  
  
He felt himself swell, and knew he was going to come soon. He and Remus pumped at Remus cock, and Sirius bent down and kissed the moaning mouth of his lover. "I'm going to come soon," he whispered. The other man opened his eyes and looked up at him, the hazel eyes clear and shining with love. "Good thing. I can't hold on much more."  
  
"Then don't."  
  
With those words, Sirius let himself go. He let Remus take care of his own cock, and balanced himself on his arms as he thrust harder and harder - the room filled with the sounds of the slap of flesh on flesh, and the moaning of the two men.  
  
Remus suddenly gave a cry of ecstasy, and Sirius felt the come from his cock splash over his belly. The arousal of that pushing him over the edge and he screamed his own release, collapsing onto the body of his lover.  
  
Remus put his arms around him, kissing him, and nibbling at his ear. "Who's the screamer?" he asked dryly. Sirius hips were still pumping - and he grunted hoarsely. "Wait until it's your turn," he said, one final thrust emptying his come into Remus. He looked down at Moony, who was chuckling. Bending his head he kissed him lovingly. "Besides, Moony, my love, you scream much more easily than me."  
  
"Good thing then that you put that soundproof charm on the door."  
  
Sirius felt himself slither out of Remus arse and collapsed beside him on the bed.  
  
"Damn straight."  
  
"Can I have a go now?" Remus asked, trailing his fingers over his lover's body, letting his mouth follow - hungry to make Sirius feel what he had felt. Hungry to feel the obvious ecstasy Sirius had. Needing to claim his mate.  
  
"Actually, Sirius, don't bother to answer that. I think I'll just take you. It's time you learnt just who was in charge here." He swung a leg over and settled on Sirius hips, moving over his cock and starting to rub. "I may not be as experienced as you, but I'm sure as hell the alpha here."  
  
"What the hell do you mean?"  
  
Remus smiled as he bent to kiss Sirius. "Who's wolf?"  
  
Sirius sighed and put his arms around Remus, acknowledging the truth. Remus was alpha - there was nothing he wouldn't do for him. "You Remus, You. Now please get on with fucking me."  
  
Remus decided to leave nothing to chance and moved the pillow under Sirius hips, kissing his cock as it rose to his mouth. "Nepth," he said disgustedly. "We're going to have to come up with something better than this oil," he said. "It tastes dreadful"  
  
"All we've got at the moment"  
  
"I wonder if.."  
  
"Remus don't even think of asking Snape to concoct something for us!"  
  
"But I'm sure.."  
  
"No. I am not going to have Snape knowing exactly why he is making it, and knowing how much we use it by the frequency he has to make it. Never. Not in a million years."  
  
Remus began to carefully oil Sirius arse, and then his own cock. He pushed his legs open as wide as they would go and, with none of the gentleness shown to him, thrust fully into Sirius, who yelped then groaned happily.  
  
"Sirius, love," he began  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You're forgetting something vital."  
  
"Umm, please don't make me think at the moment. And please don't stop."  
  
"Something that means you will agree to my asking Snape to make something pleasant-tasting."  
  
"Urgle! God yes, Remus please rub my cock while your busy down there."  
  
"Only if you do it too. But back to what I was saying."  
  
Sirius grabbed his cock and started to jerk it wildly, Remus hand slowing the movement, his eyes alight with love and laughter. He was enjoying this so much! He moved faster and faster, his own pleasure mirrored in Sirius face beneath him. Sirius hips bucking and his spare hand digging into Remus shoulder.  
  
Remus let himself go as he orgasmed and screamed his own release, his own hips pistoning wildly into his mate, Sirius panting beneath him coming seconds later.  
  
He collapsed and began to kiss Sirius, crying between each kiss "Mine. All mine. My very own mate." Finally he buried his head in Sirius shoulder, kissing that as well.  
  
Sirius put his arms around him and held him close, Remus still buried deep inside him. This was what sex should be - two people who loved each other as much as they did.  
  
Remus bit Sirius shoulder - hard enough to raise another yelp - and raised his head.  
  
"I was saying, you have to remember one very important thing, Sirius. The one thing that will make you agree to my asking Snape for something that tastes better."  
  
"I give in. What thing."  
  
Remus started to move again, his hips thrusting harder. "Who's Wolf?" he panted as they both began the spiral of desire again.  
  
"You. Oh gods yes, you!" 


End file.
